i'm on the floor as i write this. sometimes i wish that we could all eschew ridiculous adult rigidity and enjoy pillows and shag rugs and homemade quilts. there's something about lowering our bodies in the company of others though. nobody wants the low position. how silly.
anyway, today's run was rough. for once, i didn't push it, but i felt weighed down the whole time. i'm struggling with my disease, and today is proving especially difficult. i just can't make any big decisions today. things will have to wait until tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. but back to the run. i went up hickory to Rite Aid to drop of the prescription, then i did an out & back on roland for ~25 min, after which i picked up my meds and ran home. all told, it was 40 min, roughly 4.5 miles. my knees just didn't want to go, and i felt like throwing up on the last small leg. most days, i don't force myself, but i today i knew that if i didn't do it, if i didn't accomplish even something little, i would feel far worse later.
i'll have to have that same attitude for the rest of today. i have a list: read the rest of disgrace, call cecilia, call 4Eyes, return books to the library, walk toby, run, clean the kitchen and get the Rx. so far, i've read, made my calls, ran and picked up the Rx, so i only have 3 things left. i don't really want to go out tonight, but we'll see how chris feels. it might be the thing that i need. fuck bipolar.
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