10.01.2006

ups and downs. well, pretty much just downs...

this was a tough weekend. yesterday, my parents had a yard sale for my grandparents' old things. it was very weird. it made me realize how much the combination of household items came together to create the atmosphere of visits. as of saturday, all of that was officially disassembled. i hadn't been to my grandparents' house since before grandpa died, so seeing the stacks of dishes and walls bereft of the familiar family photographs hit me pretty hard. it was also a very frustrating morning for my parents; they'd spent hours and hours separating and organizing, sorting and moving tons of stuff, and after all of that, barely anybody came. i think that they might have made a grand total of $50, and that was just because we sold three fairly valuable photographs for $30. there's easily a few hundred dollars' worth of stuff in that house. i was given a jewelry box with some necklaces, a few linens, and a whole bunch of pictures to have for myself, to now inhabit my apartment. i felt complicit in the breakup of the environment that i'd loved so much. i don't see it as gaining lovely things, at least not yet, and i don't see it as holding onto some special family belongings right now. instead, it's more a matter of pieces and separation, and i don't want that. i'd much rather have my grandfather back.

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