title fight

the djs posed an interesting question this morning: how do you know that you and your s.o. have become boyfriend and girlfriend? in high school and usually in college (at least for me), it was largely assumed that if you were dating somebody at all, you could take on those titles. now, when beginning a relationship in the "real world," that's basically not the case at all. here's my little story.

chris and i met at the god-awful tutoring center this past summer, and about a month later, we agreed to hang out. that first night, we had dinner at bennigan's, and we really clicked. it soon became routine for us to hang out after work on thursdays, often having conversations lasting into the wee hours of the next morning. after about a month+, when talking to my girl buds, i referred to him as my boyfriend, but i wasn't really comfortable saying that to him directly. we even spent thanksgiving with his family a month later, and we hadn't really made things "official." part of the issue is that we've both been pretty badly burned before, and we weren't ready to jump into things; we wanted to take our time, see if we were really connecting. it would be kind of a major thing to announce our bond to the world with the bf/gf names.

it wasn't until the band incident that that changed. for the small number of you who haven't heard me rant angrily about that evening, basically i was ambushed into meeting two of his exes, one of whom was insane and the other one who played nasty little manipulative games. let's call her B. i'm sure you can guess what that stands for. it doesn't take a rocket scientist... anyway, we came into the bar together and after awhile started to mingle separately. B came over to Chris (they'd been apart for a year but were still friends), and the following very short conversation ensued:

B: so. who's that pretty girl you came in with?
C: that's my girlfriend.
B: oh....

keep in mind that him calling me such is a big step for us, and for him especially. later, when we were leaving and i was really pissed off at how she treated me, he told me about their little chat and what effect it had when he called me his girlfriend. it was the first time he'd ever called me that, and he told me that it meant something to him. it really turned the night around for me, and even though i still loathe most of that night, i always keep in mind what he said. and that makes my day brighter.

at this point, he and i have been together for... september to now... 6+ months? we're still kind of feeling things out and figuring out how much commitment we want with each other, and that's fine. being b/f & g/f doesn't automatically meld two people at the hip, and i think that's something that a lot of people and, sorry girls but i think this is true, especially women don't understand.

these days, chris and i don't go around saying "my g/f does this" or "my b/f said this the other day." and honestly, i like that better. when we refer to each other, we do so by name. in my mind, titles aren't necessarily specific and can in reality cause a lot of contention because the expectations that come with them are inevitably different. and in using his name, things are more personal; i'm referring to the man and who he is, something that is hell of a lot more meaningful to me than some generic label.

so i guess you could say that my boyfriend doesn't matter much to me. but, chris is someone who is sharing his life with me, and that is so much better.