new favorite line:

"two sides?!! you're dr. jekyl and mr. jackass."

--marla, 'fight club'

the chimera of tyler durden

explain why tyler durden in both of his forms is so intriguing to me, and i'm not referring to the actors from the movies. that would be too obvious an answer.

on another random note, i did 2:1s for 20 minutes with toby. he seemed to do fine, even though he hasn't run in awhile. it might not have been the smartest thing for me to do because my butt hurts a bit now. but, you have to break a few eggs...

;)

que the hell?!

i love that dave barry-ism. :)

anyway, this has been a really action-packed weekend, with cleaning and school work. i'm fairly happy though; i went to the gym this morning, and i ran a 5K with hill intervals on the treadmill. i could feel my R hamstring, but it was just stretchy and not painful. WOO! at the moment, my R butt is tender, but i'm fine. YEEHAW! the bad news: the reisterstown brick bodies pool won't open until june 15th. ugh. that means i have to start my swim workouts at the goucher pool. puke. that's pretty inconvenient, but i'll have to do it if i want to survive this triathlon.

on another note--i hate mood swings. this past week has been particularly chock full of them, with me riding from neutral to low and back again several times. sometimes, i wish i'd hit the manic more often so that i can concentrate and get some work done. that sounds reckless, and yes, the "high" can be risky. but, sometimes, the lows are just so damn rough that i'd rather the pendulum go completely the other way, instead of stopping halfway there. a lot of times, people don't know that it is extremely exhausting to maintain a stable facade. it sucks. but, there are things i can do: keep up the treatment, go to the gym, read for leisure, walk and play with toby, socialize, etc.

i was also thinking of learning how to belly dance. thoughts?

:)

drama, et al

lots of drama at school lately. first, i caught a grand total of nine kids cheating on 12 papers. i got really cheesed about that, but the good thing is that it was such a bad episode that the cheating policy is being changed. i've always been a fan of 1st offense=zero for the assignment, mostly because the lesson needs to be learned right away. so, kids at OLMC will no longer have the opportunity to rewrite plagiarized papers. BUSTED!

the other drama was all today. we were supposed to have a baby shower for leann, my bff at school. ;) she was due about a month from now. however, she had a frightening morning. a sudden problem (it's kind of gross, so no details here) resulted in an ambulance call, and she ended up at franklin square hospital. we still ate the food after school though. and i got a call two hours ago--little sebastian bauer was born by c-section, and he, leann, and her husband are all happy and well. hooray! thank the lord that leann and sebastian are okay!

i'm forming a theory about toby. he's dumb. but, maybe it's not his fault. he's not very good at playing fetch outside. he's awesome inside, and he'll play until he's completely pooped. but outside, he rarely even runs in the same direction as the frisbee. since he's a mutt, i'm thinking his labrador retriever and northern breed parts lose out to the pointer within. pointers aren't chase dogs, so maybe they'll follow motion but only to a ... point?

you can slap me for that one. :)

last, body update: right shoulder--good! right side of my back--better! right hamstring--not as bad! everything is progressing nicely, except for my right butt. i hate my butt right now. *sigh*

1. Where will you be in an hour? still in this reciner or in bed

2. Who will be your next kiss? the tobster

3. Is there something purple within 10 feet of you? one of my books

4. Are you wearing socks right now? nope

5. When was the last time you went out of state? easter, up to PA

6. Have you been to the movies in the last 7 days? no, but i borrowed MST3K, the second season of Family Guy, and Thank You for Smoking. i wasn't terribly impressed with the first or last one, but i LOVED the weinstein episode of FG. HYSTERICAL in all its politically incorrect glory.

7. What was the last thing you had to drink? ice water

8. What are you wearing right now? black booty shorts, my baller shirt, and an ace bandage around my thigh

9. What was your last purchase? pizza from papa johns

10. What's the last thing you wrote down? look at seneca/proto-nihilism paper again and compare with bloom's wisdom book (yes. that is absolutely true.)

11. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? brian

12. Have you been to the silly site GoofyAuctions.com? uh. no.

13. Have you ever owned a fish tank? yeah, when i experimented on goldfish in 7th grade. GAH!

14. When's the last time you watched a hockey game? the other day when the penguins beat somebody of no consequence

15. What is in your pocket right now? no pockets. sorry.

16. If you could travel anywhere right now, where would you be? southern coast of spain

17. What friend has the kinkiest piercing(s)? no idea

18. One thing you hate about yourself? mood swings

19. What's your favorite soup? CJ's crabhouse cream of crab soup

20. Do you miss anyone? my grandparents

21. Last play you saw? play/musical--"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

22. What are your plans for the day? dinner, then sleep. tomorrow, make some seventh grade heads roll.

23. Ever go to camp? yah. favorites: FCA and cross country camp.

24. What do you want right now? ice cream

25. Were you an honor roll student in Jr. High/Middle school? yup. not a big deal though since a bunch of people in my class nearly tied for valedictorian. wheeeee.

headlines

1. kudos to russell simmons, but is this feasible?

2. is barbara bush for real? and i quote: "Asked if voters should be weary of Romney being a Mormon, the former president's wife, Barbara, said 'not at all,' noting there are 'wild people' in many religions." wow. she continues, saying, " 'I mean it was in 1897 that bigamy was outlawed in that church,' she said. 'You know we have a lot of Christian wild people too, and a lot of Jewish wild people and a lot of Muslim wild people. The Mormon religion takes care of it's own, they don't have people on welfare.' does somebody want to buy this woman a phrase book or a thesaurus? or some manners?

3. cnn, what does abc's "the bachelor" say about women?

all headlines and articles provided by and found at cnn.com. yay, cnn!

Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses...

You're dangerous, 'cos you're honest.
You're dangerous, you don't know what you want.
Well you left my heart empty as a vacant lot
For any spirit to haunt.

You're an accident waiting to happen
You're a piece of glass left there on a beach.
Well you tell me things
I know you're not supposed to
Then you leave me just out of reach.

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna fall at the foot of thee?

Well you stole it 'cos I needed the cash
And you killed it 'cos I needed revenge.
Well you lied to me 'cos I asked you to.
Baby, can we still be friends?

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna fall at the foot of thee?

Ah, the deeper I spin
Ah, the hunter will sin for your ivory skin.
Took a drive in the dirty rain
To a place where the wind calls your name
Under the trees, the river laughing at you and me.
Hallelujah! Heaven's white rose
The doors you open I just can't close.

Don't turn around, don't turn around again.
Don't turn around your gypsy heart.
Don't turn around, don't turn around again.
Don't turn around, and don't look back.
Come on now love, don't you look back.

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who's gonna taste your saltwater kisses?
Who's gonna take the place of me?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Who's gonna tame the heart of thee?

love/hate relationships

i love larry. but i hate larry. but i love larry. and then after that, i hate larry.

he's a great trainer. except i hurt. helping me train is one thing. trying to help my back feel better is a... also a thing. normally i can stretch and don't need help to twist myself into a pretzel. relatively speaking. BUT. twisting me into a cat's cradle is an entirely different situation. now i'm crying and whining in my recliner with one of those therma-wrap thingos.

ow.

but, i'm not down for the count, in part because larry helped me build a good fitness base. so now, even time off from working out isn't going to do too much damage. and, he's working on getting me in on the ground level of a kid's fitness program at the gym. that's kind of awesome. so.

ow. but larry's cool.

rebuttal to ...

yes. some people are assholes. but then again, we're still lucky to have each other around. it's much better to have things in the appropriate context...

...

see 4/15 post, quote two. this time, apply to the person who was being defended.

|:(

altruism and selfishness

as well meant (and right) as it is, it's very hard to push for the happiness of another when it will seemingly preclude your own...

things that weigh on the mind

my mind has been a little preoccupied in the past few hours.

at lunch today, i learned that the father of one of my students had died. johnny's father had had cancer, and johnny was doing his best to be strong and stoic. but, it was fairly obvious that he was a different child once the diagnosis was made. all of my kids were saddened today by the news, and they're swinging into action with cards and everything. on a personal level, even though i wasn't johnny's favorite person by far, i still wish i could just give him a hug. that's not realistic for many reasons, of course, but the whole thing is just so sad.

after lunch, i'd read that somebody had been shot at virginia tech. when i got home, i was shocked by the update-- 32 dead, including the gunman. apparently, a number of the victims were killed in one classroom. 32 lives finished, just like that. when things like that happen at schools, including the shooting in the amish community this past fall, it makes me think of my kids. just picture a room full of the people you care most about, and then clear the room completely. they disappear. it's such a loathsome thought that i'm so thankful that all of my kids are healthy and with me almost every day.

there's nothing perfect to say about these things, if anything can be said at all...

and the well-meaning frustration sets in

two poignant quotes from the past week:

"sometimes, you need a hug, sometimes you need a smile.
sometimes just having someone makes it worthwhile."
--Kristen

"sometimes, people are assholes."
--Steve

somewhat recently, i've bumped into an old friend from high school. this is a person who shows nothing but kindness and compassion to the people around him. he's the kind of person who would give anybody a shoulder to cry on, and he'll buy some taco bell for dinner to boot. he'll call at random just to make sure things are okay. see quote #1.

and right now, i'm seeing him get his heart stomped on. raked over the coals. put on a spit and slow-roasted over low-burning fire. you get the picture. because someone didn't get her way this once, she's threatening this and that and all these other things, and he's paying quite the emotional penalty. see quote #2.

this pisses me off. i hate to see that happen to such a nice person. women wonder where all the nice guys are, and i'll tell you. they're in the foxholes avoiding the salvos of mean girls. what gets to me on my side of the situation is that i can't do a damn thing about it. i don't meddle or spout platitudes or mouth off about her to him. that's seriously not my place and none of my business. that would be a major don't. the only thing i have done is just be there for moral support. the only thing i've said is that he is the good person that he's not sure that he is. this whole situation sucks.

see quote #2.

|:(

*yawn*.... but in a nice way

last night, i was bitching and moaning about how i felt. long, lousy, tiring day, everybody busy, and me pissing off a best friend. nothing but suck. i stayed awake as long as i could keep my eyes open, and then once i got to bed, i couldn't sleep. go figure. i suppose that's a good thing though because at 1:30 in the AM, my phone rang, and a friend of mine was really upset. i went over and brought some chocolate syrup for our ice cream, and we watched 'amelie.' twice. i crashed there and got back here about an hour or so ago, and i realized--sometimes i should just shut up. we all have shitty days, everybody unwittingly does his/her best at being an asshole once in awhile, and we all get over it eventually, especially when we look out for each other. i hope that my sometimes lame attempts at cheering people up helped last night, since many do the same for me. and, we both admitted that having a pup slobber all over our heads and jump all over us on the couch lightened the mood considerably.

so, while i'm exhausted and nursing a very, very sore back, i can fall asleep knowing that we're loved. especially by dogs. who lick our ears.

pictures i found, not necessarily in chronological order

samy & alvin on alvin's brithday (umd `05)


sweetest guy i've ever met! ;) (vegas '04)


goo put in dustin's hair (vegas `04)


toby w/ my cousins' puppy (pa `07)


yes, it does say "save the hooters." (dc `04)


not to be gross, but derek is literally shoveling shit. he loves his job. (korea `07)

:)

pet peeve

i am sick and tired of jibes at my attempts to have a healthful lifestyle.

yesterday, i was teased for the following: thinking about sodium content at the asian food places in the food court, using stairs instead of the escalator, being willing to walk to find various places around the harbor as opposed to staying in one place, and deciding against full-on haagen-daas (sp?) and going for the vanilla yogurt instead. people also give me a hard time when i get excited about my triathlon. i get ribbed for my enthusiasm to compete athletically, my occasional decision to eat away from the toxic environment of the lunchroom, and my choice to eat a lot of produce and whole grain foods.

trust me. i don't go around with a holier-than-thou swagger and proclaim to all the world the virtues of my lifestyle, weighed against the vices of others' lifestyles. i hate when others do that around me. but please. if you hate my choices that much, than ignore them. the silly thing of it is, when they're highlighted for negative reasons, they are highlighted nonetheless. i'd think that certain people would want to hear less of them if they dislike those things so much.

plus, don't disparage my choices if you're not fond of my appearance. i'm not trying to lose weight. i'm not trying to be a size 2. i'm not trying to be the most fabulous looking woman on the block. if my looks are improved because of my choices, then that is a pleasant by-product. if my face and body were the most important things in my life, i would certainly not go around dressed like a slob some days. if you feel a negative effect because of the results of my hard work, than that is certainly not anything that i am trying to do to you.

does it occur to anyone that perhaps there are other factors behind the goals that i have for myself? could it be that maybe diabetes, heart disease, AND breast cancer has appeared in almost every preceding generation in my family, and i'm walking around with a hereditary bulls-eye on my back? could it be that regular exercise and a healthful diet promote good neurological health and have been shown to stave off, to a certain degree, mood fluctuations? could it be that running relieves a great deal of stress and allows me to sleep more restfully at night?

so if you are sincerely bothered by the choices i make, perhaps you are bothered by those that you aren't making yourself. please reflect on your own decisions before you disparage mine.

new favorite list :)

List of Cheesy Ballads; it's scary to know that i'm old enough to have once clung to these tear-jerking, hair-sprayed anthems.




we miss the era of the mullet...

i refuse to go to bed.

far from being a throwback to when i was 5, this is more of a protest against the spoiling of my easter break. as i have already complained to many, there is an educators' conference in town this week. i am compelled for very reasons to attend three out of the five days. in the meantime, my students get to frolic in the no-learning-for-a-whole-eleven-days utopia. thus, i resolve to treat this week as much like a vacation as possible. i will:

a) take the metro instead of driving all over creation
b) eat lunch out, probably at that tapas restaurant at the harbor and one of the cafes in federal hill
c) get some exercise by walking around the city somewhat randomly
d) take my camera in case i happen upon some quirky kodak (or in my case, SONY) moments
e) relax for some quiet time at the crest of federal hill
f) NOT GO TO BED AT MY NORMAL SCHOOL-NIGHT TIME

as indignant as i am at my skewered vacation days, i will admit to some grand-old fun this past weekend. first, my cousins jenna and kristen swung by with their puppy who's only seven weeks old. i took them to the local petsmart, and we accessorized the little pooch. i forbade them to buy outfits and a dog purse (i don't know the technical term for the bag in which one carries her dog). we got the pup a cute little collar and a few toys. AWWWW!!! and, i was finally able to meet my younger niece, calliope (nickname--chloe), who's only about five weeks old. she's sweet and beautiful to hold. her two older brothers and her older sister are very gracious around her, and all four are a blast. anyway, i don't have any pictures of chloe, but i do have a few of pookie baka. i have NO idea where jenna and kristen got the name...

proactive happy thoughts

taking a cue from kim, here's the ABCs of happy thoughts:

A--athletic wear, amelie
B--benicio, brian, other brian, brendan, other brendan, beattys in general, the beach
C--clara, chloe, copenhagen, cadiz, contact sports, chess
D--denmark!!! dreaded druid hills 10K
E--elephants, _east, west_
F--friends, forests, family guy, film
G--glacier national park
H--hixson family reunion (very fawlty towers-ish)
I--interval workouts, _in the name of the rose_
J--javelins. duh. and jeopardy
K--kites, kim as my running buddy
L--little havana, law & order: criminal intent
M--manny, mst3K, malory
N--nazarae, norway
O--oreo cookie blizzards
P--photography
Q--questioning personality
R--running, romanesque architecture
S--sardonic humor, spain, solitude, steamed crabs
T--toby, tin roof sundae ice cream, trivial pursuit, triathlons, travel
U--underwear (not a nasty thing, i swear; it has to be cuter than cute. oh nevermind.)
V--volleyball, vocal music, vacation
W--waking up to natural sunlight and summer breezes, weightlifting, workouts
X--xTerra trail series (trail running races)
Y--yuengling, yellow crayons
Z--zen, zoos

iGot the iPod! ...and some other stuff too. :)

fun stuff is here! YAY! it's a cute little white, 30GB video iPod. now i can go nuts while i work out... but right now, i'm just freaking out b/c i'm listening to VH1's I Love the 90s. awesome.

WHOOMP! THERE IT IS!

anyway. my swimwear is here as well. swim (aside from goggles) and run taken care of, bike is next. but in the meantime, these are the items received today:

yeah, the second brief isn't speedo XDskin like the other one, but at $15 for ironman, i'll take it. now that i actually have these, i am excited four times over. i'll be starting to rotate pool workouts into my weekly gym calendar, hopefully getting there twice this week.

this weekend, i'm going to a bike shop in PA with my dad, and hopefully i'll be able to snag a decent bike and a good helmet at a reasonable price. cross your fingers. once that's back here, the full-on triathlon training can begin in earnest.

IT'S ON!

:)

disturbed by iran

on a serious note... is iran really pushing this hard? how far is it trying to go?? this following piece of brilliance, a product of the recent arrest of British military officers, is something that i refuse to accept as genuine capitulation: ""I am writing to you as a British service person who has been sent to Iraq, sacrificed due to the intervening policies of the Bush and Blair governments" (thanks to CNN for the quote). that's just a bit too convenient, with language that obviously leans too far toward the discourse of the sacrificial lamb.

it's a piece (and by that, i mean all words purportedly from the sailor's hand) that too easily and glibly lays blame on specific parties. it's unabashedly a text meant to play the media card, one that the two 'indicted' governments will never believe as genuine. indeed, Tony Blair voices the collective disdain for the charade: "All this does is enhance people's sense of disgust. Captured personnel being paraded and manipulated in this way doesn't fool anyone." (again, thanks to CNN, same article as above).

while numbers of westerners would discount the letter's authenticity from the get-go, i find a further dead giveaway is the language. it simply doesn't embody the subtle nuances and veracity of the trauma and repentence and/or regret evinced by such a situation. it shows a lack of understanding the vocabulary necessary to truly represent the inner maelstrom of a captive. of course, it's logical to say that a captor would not allow a communique that is not in its favor, but in this particular instance, the transparency of this letter is sadly, and, if it made be said this way, frighteningly laughable.

parade magazine has created a list of the world's ten worst dictators, and indeed, it is a sobering portrait of the leaders contending with bastions of western ideals (however right or wrong they may be). if you peruse the list, ahmadinejad does not appear on his own, but rather as an arm of seyed ali khamane'i, the leader of iran's Guardian Council. parade does indicate that within the definition of dictator, the individual cannot be removed by legal means. i would suppose that this means ahmadinejad is not eligible for his own ranking, as he could be replaced in the next election. does this suggest that he is merely a mouthpiece for the hardline council? is he the polemic that can be the target of western disdain and frustration, to draw attention away from those truly in control of the government machinations?

what's next? for myriad reasons, i feel that we ought not to be iraq, and the ubiquitous analogies to the vietnam war are wearing on the older half of my generation. does this tension with iran mark another stage in our collective, societal maturation process? are we to face the fear of nuclear war, as did our boomer parents? or, is it to become reality, except on much more horrific, terroristic levels?

where do we stand?