f* you, f* you, you're cool, f* you. i'm outta here.

or rather, THEY'RE outta here. and by they, i mean those crappy events that masquerade as sports at the summer and winter games. so, in hopes of doing us ALL a service, i am here to put up for discussion which events ought to be first disrespected and then summarily dismissed from the games. here are some suggestions.

summer olympics:
1) rhythmic anything. entirely too much subjectivity for the return. sorry.
2)yachting. this is nascar on water. granted, a very slooooooow and lacking the danger of sudden collision and resultant combustion kind of nascar, but still. the metaphor is there, and i refuse to allow anything nascar to taint my olympic enjoyment.

winter olympics:
1)ice dancing. i can make fun of this because my cousin does this competitively. anyway, this is far too close to ballroom dancing for my tastes, and its admittance as an event sets the precedent for its aforementioned relative to be included in the summer games.
2)skeleton. this event just doesn't seem to be especially brilliant. lie on a sled, and throw your body down an ice track headfirst, reaching in excess of 80mph, with nothing protecting your head except for an inch or two of some random nuclear helmet. i guess the convenience is, if you crash, you ARE the event.



oh come on. you were waiting for me to make a pun. especially a bad one.

you suck.



anyway, i would LOVE to have other submissions for events desperately crying for a ban. thanks! and in a future post, we'll discuss events that should be added. like fabulous ball.

long live fabulous ball.