fruitcakes

Here come the big ones - Relationships.

We all got 'em, we all want 'em.

What do we do with'em?

Here we go I'll tell ya...

thank goodness jimmy buffett is around to give us the love manual.

i was talking to russ last night about this stuff, and i realized that i have been completely oblivious in the past ?? years. i've always had the idea that no matter what, i can force the issue and make things change the way i want them. because i'm me, and i'm cute, and therefore everybody will want to do things the way i want them to be done. :)

turns out, this is not so much the case. why has it taken me about ten years to realize that guys aren't necessarily chatty? didn't it occur to me that they don't terribly care about who said what behind whomever else's back and then what did she say to her best friend who went and told the other best friend who wasn't supposed to know? and when i would stop mid-sentence and notice that the eyes had glazed over, i would be pissed because i wasn't being listened to. but now i finally get it that the selective listening doesn't signal a lack of caring. and it in no way means that i have to work harder to "train" him. that's just absurd, and women should just throw the concept of "training" down the trash compactor. the man is not an animal that has to be taught to roll over or wag his tail or bark at the door.

anyway, i have learned to recognize the unspoken ways by which he shows affection. for instance, it feels great when he invites me to various parties/nights out/ hang-out time with his friends. not only is it nice to be in his company, but it also tells me that he's showing me off a little. i didn't make that assumption--it's something he told me a while back. there's also the sharing thing--introducing me to his favorite music, asking that we watch one of his favorite shows together because he thinks i'll really like it, and taking me to bojangles because the biscuits and chicken are to die for. it really is... those are only a few things that i'm learning to see in a different light.

i'm also trying to find different ways to be there for him. first and foremost (this will sound a bit oxymoronic...), i'm making an effort to relax. it's my opinion that a lot of women get very high strung and anxious if there is a dearth of daily phone calls or check-ins or whatever. and i've started to realize that it's not because a guy doesn't care, but that sometimes that's not his most favorite way of communicating (see mention of chatting above). second, i tend to try to get gifts and make a big deal over holidays and birthdays and fridays and sundays and usually mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays and saturdays. i've always thought of gift-giving as a way to make somebody feel loved and cared for and special blah blah blah blah blah blah. and i've realized that that makes some people very self-conscious, and it can even make a situation awkward, because it's not always easy to interpret the vein in which the gift is given. that's why, this valentine's day, i don't want much of anything. i'd like to get him a tiny little something, but i'm not ready to drop the L-bomb yet, and i don't want him to feel that he has to either. at this stage, it's too possible that we're not on the same page, and that would just be, as i said, very awkward for all parties involved.

so i have to thank russ (and steve and kevin) for enlightening me. they are the buddhas in my relationship life-path.

and for valentine's day, just a little daisy would be nice.

:)