irs

contest of the day: turn IRS into another acronym and give me as many meanings as possible. why am i doing this? because i can't think of anything myself. bonus points for humor and/or originality.



so i'm really proud of me. i completed my taxes ALL BY MYSELF. you don't understand. i have a sizeable math/money inferiority complex. the last *real* math class i took was in 11th grade, ten years ago. and even though the 1040EZ doesn't exactly call for a graduate degree, i'm still very wary that i'll miss a dollar or ten or misunderstand some directions. i think what made it manageable is the fact that i, in a sense, have no major assets besides my car. i'm not married either. woohoo for the bigger deduction! the only thing is that if i had a kid, i could get the dependent's deduction as well. it's very tempting, but i won't name Toby as my dependent. getting arrested for tax fraud would be a major downer.

of course, tasha's answer is to just have a kid anyway.

umm.....


no.

having kids will be extraordinarily complicated for me anyway, as it is for most women on any long-term medication. my psychiatrist said that he would want to send me to Boston, to the Perinatal Psychiatry Program at Mass. Gen. already, it sounds a bit intimidating. the big question is which option will have the most effects on the child--the mother getting off medication (in which she would be subject to her condition AND her raging hormones, which can stress the child) or staying on the mediction (which would expose the child to some pretty powerful chemical compounds). there is, of course, also the consideration of the mother's health. i know that when i've been off meds or on a lower dosage than i'm supposed to be, i spiral down with considerable and sometimes alarming speed.

then there are the people, including some physicians, who lecture women with any mental health condition about the selfishness of trying to have children. why subject a baby to such medical dangers just to satisfy your desires to be a mother? why allow for the possibility of bringing a life into the world that could get the damning gene and have to exist with the hell that is _X_? to those folks, i pass on a friendly *fuck you.*

for one, we don't hear of women with other health issues (e.g., high blood pressure, thyroid issues, hereditary heart conditions, previous miscarriages) being disparaged for their attempts to have children. why is mental health any different? it is a neurological issue! two, the argument that because the child might have to live with condition _X_, a woman should not even think of trying to conceive, is offensive. would mental illness make a child any less of a human being? are we saying that mentally ill people don't deserve to give life a shot, to have the chance to live the fullest life, just like anybody else? could the individual promoting this argument tell me to my face that because i have this condition that i shouldn't have been born, that it's better for me not to exist? that line of reasoning unequivocally sidelines my identity and accomplishments and labels me as a diseased individual bound to wallow in misery and die. so many brilliant artists, lawyers, business people, politicians, teachers, etc., etc., have had and do have bipolar disorder, and are people going to dismiss their amazing contributions to society? are they going to say, "you're better off dead?"

personally, i'm lucky that i know only one person who denies the validity of bipolar disorder, and i've just accepted that he's going to live under his rock no matter what i say. so many people have held me up, given me strength, pushed me forward and opened my eyes to the amazing things that lie within me. steve, courtney and chris have been especially important and supportive. interestingly, it's because of their support that i can be independent and stand on my own two feet.

and do my taxes.